Waking Up Into A Nightmare

It was 1:30am this morning when I woke up from a dream thinking that I had wet the bed in my sleep. As I stood up with eyes stilled closed I made my way to the dark bathroom and as I sat down I realized I didn’t really need to go to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, my nightmare began.

I called to my husband and told him that I was bleeding…a lot. Suddenly (sorry for the TMI) I felt movement as if something was coming and out fell a blood clot the size of my palm. Horrified, I began to panic. What do I do? Do I fish out the clot? Do I call an ambulance? What happens when this happens? I’ve never been pregnant and I didn’t even know what was going on. My brain still half asleep.

I wearily called the answering service for my Dr. and as the lady on the other end gathered my information I barely was able to get out the words, “I need to speak with the Dr. I think I am having a miscarriage. It’s twins.” Shocked she said, “You know it’s twins already at 7 weeks?” I was confused. Why was she asking me this? You’re an answering service…not a doctor. Just do your job, lady.

As my Dr. came on the line I was barely able to get the words out between hiccups for air. Sobbing uncontrollably…she did as best as she could to comfort me and suggested I come in first thing to see what is going on. But I already knew. It was over. This dream we’ve had for 7 years is over. We got this far but it was too good to be true I guess.

Hubby and I barely slept and as we woke up I felt like I was in a fog but realized I haven’t been as nauseous as I was. Another confirmation that it’s over. We drove to burger king for a quick coffee and I got a tea. We sat there as we had time to spare and I tried to hold back the tears as best as I could. We were just completely distraught. It all happened so quickly without warning it just didn’t have time to sink in.

We arrived at the office and in we went to the ultrasound room. I immediately cried seeing the familiar face of my ultrasound tech and she just pulled me in for a hug. She told me to take a deep breath and she will look and see what she can find out.

As she inserted the wand almost instantly, I saw a baby. The first time seeing one. First thought was, oh man…we lost one and there is still one in there. Then we saw the second baby. Shock just takes over. What are they doing in there? What is going on here? Clearly, they both must be gone and the worst is yet to come. The tech checks Baby A’s heartbeat and we hear it for the first time. A strong 127 beats per minute. Baby B is hanging on too with 123 beats per minute. Both measuring at 7 weeks, where they should be.

I had imagined my appointment this week for my 7 week check-up which is in another two days to be a moment of joy and happiness. I planned to videotape their heart beats to send to family and take pictures of the two babies hanging out in their little sacs. This time, I was unprepared and in such shock I couldn’t even believe this was happening.

As she continued to look through she saw there was a lot of blood. A lot. Clotted above both babies. This is called a Subchorionic Hemmorrhage. Sounds as bad as it is I guess. The Dr. came in and pulled us in to a huge hug and said the good news is, both babies are still ok for now. Bad news is, we don’t know what will happen. 

What this means is that this blood needs to either absorb back into the body or come out. It may come out in one piece like I passed early this morning or it will come out in pieces. The problem is where it is placed. It literally is covering about 70% of Baby B. The risk is 50/50 that Baby B will survive. The only good thing is that the placenta is not near this blood clot giving the baby the blood supply it needs to grow and hopefully be strong enough to fight against and trauma this thing may cause. Baby A has an 80% chance of survival because it’s not really touching that much of the blood clot.

I’ve been ordered to be on bed rest. No movement. At all. Luckily today I feel good enough to eat so I’ve been eating my weight in calories since I lost about 6lbs from morning sickness. Trying my best to get these kids as much nutrition as possible to grow and be strong and beat the odds. A miscarriage is now more of a possibility due to the large size of the blood clot. That’s scary.

I don’t know what else to say other than this nightmare is not over yet. We are not out of the woods but so far, this pregnancy has given me several potential heart attacks. It’s been the scariest 16 hours I’ve ever experienced. A roller coaster I would rather not be on sometimes but for these two little babies with the sweetest round little heads (as seen today), I will do whatever I need to do.